


Pesterchum

by GalekhXigisi (orphan_account)



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Homestuck References, Klaus Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Klaus fucks up the timeline, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Post-War, chat fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-01
Updated: 2019-04-01
Packaged: 2019-12-30 16:01:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18318593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/GalekhXigisi





	1. Chapter 1

**_Four_ ** **has added** **_6 contacts_ ** **to group chat** **_Fuckinnnn Hargreeves????_ **

 

**Four:** Hello I am depressed 

 

**Six:** What’s new?

 

**Four:** Literally fuck off

 

**One:** Oh

 

**Two:** This is the worst

 

**_Four_ ** **has changed** **_Two’s_ ** **screenname to** **_The Man_ **

 

**The Man:** I’m confused but thank you 

 

**Five:** Knlaus 

 

**Three:** Knlaus

 

**Six:** Knlaus

 

**Seven:** knlaus

 

**Five:** Oh fuck right of

 

**Three:** Off*

 

**Five:** Shut the actual ur fuck, I have questions

**Five:** Like how in the shit did Klaus fuck up the timeline so much

 

**Four:** What?

 

**Five:** Phones, specifically 

 

**Four:** Oh, yeah, i think I

**Four:** Like

**Four:** Dropped it in the past???

**Four:** N I just forgot????? 

 

**Five:** How in the fuck do you forget?

 

**Four:** I was literally getting bombed, you fuck

**Four:** I am a fucking vet dude

**Four:** It was wild

 

**Five:** Are you sober? 

 

**Four:** All I’ve done is drink since the war and I haven’t drank since I was like 

**Four:** Back in the future n shit 

 

**Seven:** What are you two even talking about?

 

**Four:** I time traveled back to 1968 lol 

**Four:** Died a bunch of times

**Four:** Got a bf

**Four:** Died again

**Four:** he died

**Four:** Went back to the future

**Four:** Died

**Four:** Normal shit 

**Four:** _Six people are typing_ Lmfao y’all out here wildin

 

**Six:** YOU NEVER TOLD ME U DIED????????

 

**Seven:** THE FUCK DID YOU DISDHOIHEDOIEHFDBISHDI ???????????? w HA T

 

**Five:** Hold on, repeat

 

**One:** Died?

 

**Three:** W

**Three:** W hat

 

**The Man:** I am going to selectively ignore the fact that I am worried for you and ask what the  _ fuck _ you mean 

 

**Four:** When Cha-Cha and Hazel kidnapped me, I stole their case, went to 1968 during the Vietnam war stuff, stayed there for like a year, 

**Four:** Dated a guy named Dave, he died, i left

**Four:** That’s it, really. You went to save me and your little lady cop died

**Four:** I’m sorry, by the way 

**Four:** She was nice 

 

**The Man:** How do you know? 

 

**Four:** I can see the dead you dickhead

 

**_Four_ ** **has changed their screenname to** **_Ouiji Board_ **

 

**Ouiji Board:** Pretty cool that I got the tattoos when I was young tho

 

**The Man:** Do you even remember getting them? 

 

**Ouiji Board:** Honestly?

 

**Five:** Yes, honestly 

 

**Ouiji Board:** No, I don’t 

**Ouiji Board:** The bad thing is that I made sure i was sober for it, too 

**Ouiji Board:** Not many people with give a drunken child a tatto 

 

**Seven:** Who gives a child a tattoo to begin with???????????????????????? ‘l;;lkkcnjidn???/??/////???//?/

 

**Ouiji Board:** The old lady down the street that I taught how to make weed brownies when I was nine 

 

**Seven:** _ N i n e ????? _

 

**Ouiji Board:** Stop fucking worrying jfc

**Ouiji Board:** You sound like Ben

**Ouiji Board:** Who is literally beside me nagging atm 

**Ouiji Board:** he lis literally pestering me abt this all right now 

**Ouiji Board:** Despite knowing about most of it

 

**Three:** _ Most of it????? M o s t o f i t ? ? ? jsbfiuebfuibdjkfniuwefuiewbfewiujs dnsjk c _

 

**Ouiji Board:** he knew about Dave I guess 

**Ouiji Board:** I told him ye

**Ouiji Board:** He knew about the war stuff

**Ouiji Board:** Never got around to the death shit tho 

 

**Five:** I have far too many questions 

 

**Three:** Same

 

**The Man:** Same 

 

**One:** Same

 

**Seven:** Same

 

**Six:** Same 

 

**_Ouiji Board_ ** **has gone idle**

 

**Six:** He kicked me out of his room 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Five:** Has anyone seen Klaus?

 

**The Man:** He’s supposed to be training today? 

 

**Five:** Hey Ben do you know anything about his training? 

 

**Six:** No, he always made me go away when he trained 

 

**The Man:** Really?

 

**Six:** yeah, really

**Six:** It was like this giant secret or some shit???? 

**Six:** Idk what in the hecc he does for training 

 

**Five:** yeah, me neither 

 

**Seven:** I think Dad locks him up or something? 

**Seven:** I remember the one time he took me with him while he monitored everyone’s training 

**Seven:** I don’t remember what he did with klaus or where he even put him

**Seven:** Just a really dark room that he videotaped 

 

**The Man:** What the fuck

 

**Seven:** No idea tbh 

 

**Three:** He used to make me keep talking until I vomited or couldn’t talk for days 

 

**Six:** I remember that 

**Six:** He kept attempting to make me summon the monster or whatever and it was just wild 

 

**The Man:** He tried to drown me 

 

**Five:** he really did not focus on my training. Why did he try to drown you, though, Diego?

 

**The Man:** I can hold my breath forever apparently 

**The Man:** Never wanted to find that out but it was a literal sink or swim situation 

 

**Three:** This is so illegal

 

**Five:** So no one has seen him all day?

 

**The Man:** I asked Mom and she said she hasn’t seen him since this morning at breakfast 

 

**_Ouiji Board_ ** **is no longer idle**

 

**Ouiji Board:** ye, i was training, what’s up

  
  
  


**_I am literally not even a full two chapters into this story and I’ve already 100% lost insterest_ **


End file.
